A Holiday Homily from Le Buche de Humanist
Book 2 Chapter 7
Lo, go unto Grandma’s house and be merry. Or if thou hate your family, hold thy tongue past dinner.
Eat game bird or tofu which that you are. Sleep during daylight with hand in pants. Watch the Lions get pasted on the grid iron.
If thy pass gas blame the person next to you – loudly.
Book 2 Chapter 8
Give uneaten casserole to dog you don’t like. Send as much leftovers as possible with relative who is not married. The youngest of you shall take the rubbish to the holy can. The oldest of you shall speak ill, even untruths, of those not there, the neighbors, various ethnic and religious groups, and particular political parties. The rest shall pretend not to hear and hope the person speaking falls asleep.
Thirty minutes, and no more or no less, after final spoonful is served, leave the house you have gathered. Tell an untruth if need be. Let thy tongue roll, that had been held, in the comfort of your own keep. Make a promise never to go again that you know you will never keep.