A Couple of Funnies

If you enjoy life then you like to laugh at the absurd. I got a couple for you today from the past week.

Item 1

Finish this line:

“Guess what? I’ve got a fever. And the only prescription is… “

If you shouted “More cowbell!” then you too remember the sketch on Saturday Night Live 5 years ago.

“More cowbell” is the punch line to a “Saturday Night Live” skit that originally aired five years ago this month (April). The guest host was Christopher Walken, and one of the skits spoofed VH1’s “Behind the Music” by imagining what happened when the 1970s band Blue Oyster Cult went into the studio to cut “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper,” its best-known song.

Walken plays producer Bruce Dickinson, a preening rock “legend” who turns hacks into hit-makers. Will Ferrell, who wrote the sketch, plays pseudo-Cult member Gene Frenkle, whose sole talent consists of beating on a cowbell with enough force to stun a bull elephant. Real-life BOC members are portrayed by SNL’s Jimmy Fallon, Chris Parnell, Horatio Sanz, and Chris Kattan, none of whom can keep a straight face as Ferrell maniacally pounds away while prancing around with his belly hanging out of his shirt.

It’s Walken, though, who steals the show by uttering the phrase that’s achieved cult-worship status. “I gotta have more cowbell!” he pleads when annoyed bandmates complain that enough is enough. In a bit of lunacy that would do “This Is Spinal Tap” proud, a crazed Walken exclaims, “Guess what? I’ve got a fever. And the only prescription is more cowbell.”

http://www.boston.com/ae/tv/articles/2005/04/30/more_cowbell_yes_please_weve_got_a_fever/

I saw the sketch 5 years ago and several times since then and it cracks me up everytime.

Will Ferrell has been the best SNL cast member since Eddie Murphy in the 1980’s. I believe he is the only one to have a 2 volume DVD set in the “Best of SNL” collection.

Christopher Walken as host is always a hoot because he seems so mental in real life that seeing him do comedy is really funny. The other Walken bits I love is where he is a smarmy lech trying to seduce a woman and we see the sketch from the POV of the woman (a cameraman with a dress glove on). The other is when his character can see into the future of anyone he touches and the future has nothing to do with the person.

Item 2

Fun with the Queen

This week Queen Elizabeth and The Duke of Edinburgh are on a state visit of Saskatchewan and Alberta (Canada), as part of the celebration marking the centennial of these provinces’ entry into Confederation.

They have the itinerary for May 18th posted on a website about the visit and while browsing it – one of the items cracked me up:

11:35

The Duke of Edinburgh arrives at the site and acknowledges War Memorial Fund Raising Committee and assembled veterans.

The Duke of Edinburgh, accompanied by Mr. Jones, proceeds to the site of the sod-turning.

The Duke of Edinburgh turns the sod.

The Duke of Edinburgh unveils a plaque, commemorating the sod-turning on the occasion of the 2005 visit of Her Majesty and His Royal Highness.

En route, The Duke of Edinburgh views the adjacent World War I Memorial.

The Duke of Edinburgh views the sign depicting the future Saskatchewan War Memorial.

Brigadier-General Walker, Mr. Lyons, Mr. Harasen, and Mr. Jones say goodbye to His Royal Highness.

http://www.pch.gc.ca/visiteroyale2005/detail_mai_may18_e.cfm
—————-

The line about the Duke turning the sod was funny then the line refering to the plaque about the sod turning had me on the floor peeing my pants…..

“Moral Values” cause ignorance

Here is a look at “moral values” that some continue to insist decided the 2004 Presidential Election. The first view is from the Red area with a rebuttal from a Blue state supporter:

Conservatives in rural Ohio big key in Bush victory

OTTAWA, Ohio (AP) – Glen Beutler lost his job making patio doors when his employer shut down three years ago.

He was exactly the kind of voter John Kerry was counting on to help him defeat President Bush.

Instead, Beutler and many of his neighbors across rural Ohio worried about the economy voted for Bush because they felt he shared their values on issues such as abortion, gay marriage and gun owner rights.

“Around here, family and values still comes first,” Beutler said.

“It was nice to see the rural people have the advantage this time,” said Cora Bour, the GOP chairwoman in Seneca County.

“In our area, we have a lot of farmers and people who are just down to earth,” she said. “A lot of people see that in President Bush. A lot of it had to do with his faith too. That’s the way we are around here.”

http://www.mansfieldnewsjournal.com/news/updates/9988.html

Am I Blue?
I apologize for everything I believe in. May I go now?

By Michael Kinsley

Sunday, November 7, 2004 Washington Post

There’s just one little request I have. If it’s not too much trouble, of course. Call me profoundly misguided if you want. Call me immoral if you must. But could you please stop calling me arrogant and elitist?

I mean, look at it this way. (If you don’t mind, that is.) It’s true that people on my side of the divide want to live in a society where women are free to choose abortion and where gay relationships have full civil equality with straight ones. And you want to live in a society where the opposite is true. These are some of those conflicting values everyone is talking about. But at least my values — as deplorable as I’m sure they are — don’t involve any direct imposition on you. We don’t want to force you to have an abortion or to marry someone of the same gender, whereas you do want to close out those possibilities for us. Which is more arrogant?

We on my side of the great divide don’t, for the most part, believe that our values are direct orders from God. We don’t claim that they are immutable and beyond argument. We are, if anything, crippled by reason and open-mindedness, by a desire to persuade rather than insist. Which philosophy is more elitist? Which is more contemptuous of people who disagree?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A29470-2004Nov5.html

I simply find it amazing that people will vote against their best interests for the sake of “moral values”. Our government was created to protect the rights of all citizens. It is highly unamerican for a group to pass laws or support candidates who want to discriminate simply because “they” don’t like what they want to outlaw.

As Kinsley said, how arrogant is that?

The same people who voted against Kerry because he “might” want to ban guns (though he never said it) are the same ones who want to prevent a group of people from committing to the person they love in a legal union.

They are the same people who want to force women to carry unwanted babies to term yet don’t bat an eye at the government sending their children into a war that was not needed and hasn’t made the nation safer.

They are the same people who trust Bush with the economy even when they lose their jobs or savings to unethical business practices allowed and encouraged by the same administration.

A friend of mine tried to say, before the election, that the electorate was ignorant if they voted for Bush. I tried to dissuade him from saying that with no evidence. Now I am coming around to his way of thinking.

Stewart zings Blitzer – film at 11

I was watching The Daily Show tonight and Jon Stewart had on Wolf Blitzer from CNN. Stewart just hammered Blitzer about the 9/11 Senate Report released today.

The following exchange is from memory so the exact wording is iffy:

Stewart: So do you think that this Senate report should be the biggest political scandal ever?
Blitzer: You never made a mistake?

Stewart: So did the media go over what went wrong?
Blitzer: Yes we had meetings.
Stewart: I’m not talking about deciding what to put on the crawl (at the bottom of CNN’s picture) but did you look at what you could have done differently?
[funny bit about the crawl here]
Stewart: What could have the media done differently?
Blitzer: We should have been more skeptical.
[Stewart has a large facial reaction as if he was going to say “Isn’t that your job.”]
Stewart: So is it that the Republicans and Bush intimidated you guys not to ask the questions?
Blitzer: No. It wasn’t that. I’m not sure what happened. Look i went to Kuwait I got all the briefings the CIA, Defense Department, FBI, Congress, and everybody said he had huge stock piles of biological, chemical weapons and it was only a short time before he had a nuclear bomb….
Stewart: Right….
Blitzer: Condoleeza Rice said on my show ‘Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer’ [audience laughs at obvious plug] before the war, that she didn’t want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud….
Stewart: Right but we have since learned that Pakistan sold ‘mushroom’ material to every country in the area BUT Iraq. This is a crazy world…. whoooo….hoooooo. [then Stewart twirlls in his chair and waves his arms crazily]

COMEDY CENTRAL TV Shows: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

Wonder Woman on DVD

At last now I can die (not really but close).

Wonder Woman with the sexy Lynda Carter was one of my favorite shows in the mid 70’s.

Seeing her transform into her super hero outfit each episode made me feel all warm and tingly (if you know what I mean).

It was campy but fun and the theme music was bitchin’.

Now if they would just put out Square Pegs on DVD then I could die.

Amazon.com: DVD: Wonder Woman – The Complete First Season (1976)

Do you believe in Miracles?

Most Americans will remember that famous line uttered by sportscaster Al Michaels as he called the final seconds in the 1980 Olymic Hockey tournament semi-finals pitting the US team versus the powerful Soviet team. The US had won 4-3 and the next day beat Finland to win its first Gold medal in hockey since 1960.

A major motion picture called “Miracle” debuts on February 6th which tells the story of the 1980 team and its coach Herb Brooks who did the impossible.

You just had to either be there or have seen it on the tube to understand how incredible the 1980 US Hockey victory over the Soviets was.

The USSR had not lost the Gold medal since 1960 when the US team won it in Squaw Valley and the Soviets had won 21 straight Olympic games before that night.

While the US team was made up of college players (amateurs) the Soviet team was made up of the best players in the USSR who all happened to be in the military. Their job was to play hockey so they were really professionals paid under the table so they could be passed off as amateurs.

The US team hadn’t been in contention for a hockey medal since 1960 and they were seeded 7th in the 1980 tournament out of 12 teams.

The US team jelled during the tournament and as they won games the momentum built so when the Soviet match came up people were stoked. Millions watched the game on the tube. Most were hopeful the US would win but no one really thought they could. The Soviets were too tough and too professional for the gang of college kids.

The US team got lucky in the match as the Soviets dominated play through out. The US winning goal came with 10 minutes left and they had to hang on to win. That is why it was a miracle and the best US Olympic victory in history.

The victory made people forget for a time the funk we were in with the Cold War, the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, the hostages in Iran, the haunting memories of Vietnam, and the terrible economy.

Every time they show those scenes of the final seconds ticking off, the gloves and sticks flying into the air, and Al Michaels now famous statement, I can’t help but be transported back to that cold February night in 1980 when I saw one of the greatest sports drama played out live on television. It made me a hockey fan to this day.